Unexpected Altercation Creates Turmoil at Local Karaoke Night

The debris field of torn seersucker and carnation petals in the bar

area of Los Pampas after Tuesday's fisticuffs between two patrons

GREENSBORO, AL—What started as a genteel conversation about British royalty between two rival Anglophiles ended in an uncharacteristic bout on the karaoke stage at Los Pampas Tuesday evening. This reporter, who visited the scene after the melee, witnessed the resulting debris field of seersucker, shredded pocket squares, and lapel carnations. Involved in the so-called fight were well known young men Newell Dale and Blayne Morissey , both 38. Witnesses report that the confrontation started while Morissey passed by the table where Dale delighted his companions with tales of his sublime summer trip to England highlighted by a glimpse of the queen's corgis at Windsor Castle and a tour of the Cotswolds as the designated "Best Patron" of the Wixingham Boys Choir.

Everyone is aware that Dale and Morissey have been rivals since their public fall-out over the "Hello, Dolly!" costuming incident while they were both students at Southern Academy 20 years ago. Nora Baird, who was at Dale's table, recounted what happened at the restaurant. "Well, Blayne deliberately passed by the table on his way to the bathroom, just so he could butt in and say how much he loved the queen mother. Well, that just got Newell's goat, and he said that he loved her more and could prove it because he had been buying his mother clothes based on the queen mother's outfits for years. So then Blayne said that Newell was obviously lying because they don't sell tweed suits at Super Dollar and scoots off. Newell was really mad then, but I didn't think this would happen."

Based on the police report filed, the pair then spent the rest of their time in the restaurant exchanging heated glares, interspersed by eye rolls and head tosses.The one part of this story on which witnesses all agree is that the confrontation came to its breaking point when Dale began an a rousing karaoke rendition of "God Save the Queen", which was interrupted when Morrissey unplugged the machine. The ensuing melee was short-lived, thanks to the efforts of patron Wheylon Batz, who is in town from California on a home building mission.